10/15/10

flickering*

There's always going to be that one relationship you wish you could get back. Whether it be friendship, familyship or actual relationsip, there's always one.

I say I like the way my one relationship is now, but I'm lying. I'm lying about how I miss him, lying about how I wish it was back to the way it used to be. Lying about how I'm happy for him, even though deep down, there's a percent of me that isn't. It's very tiny, but it's there.
I'm lying about how I'm happy the way things turned out.
I'm not right now, but I will be in the future, this I Know.
I'm just plain lying.

But, lies sometimes become the truth, right? If you work hard at them to make them reality.

I'm sad inside, about how we don't talk that much anymore.
I'm sad that someone else comes before me.
I'm sad that he's not the first person I call with my secrets anymore.
Really, I am.

I know it's all for the best, and that our lives were going two separate ways.
But I'm also sad, because I couldn't wait around anymore.
Not on him.
And he couldn't wait around on me.
It was never going to work for us, no matter how hard we tried,
And that's fine.
What's not fine, though, is how he's still waiting.
Waiting for his life to truly start.
Waiting on school, or the military, or a great job. Whichever comes first.
Stuck in Limbo, still waiting.
I'm not there anymore, I'm not his constant go-to person.
I have no real pull anymore.
That makes me sad.

I wish I could hug him.
Wish I knew what was really going on in his life.
I wish he really knew what was going on in mine.
I wish I still had my friend.
There's nothing I can do about it now, though.
Even if there is, there's nothing I should do about it.
I'm moving on and being strong.

We talk every once in a while, and he always sees me happy.
Which, for the most part, I am.
There aren't any tears in Texas, only laughter.
Laughter, smiles and fun.
No baggage comes with you to Austin.
It's a clean slate.

You're my boy ace...and you'll always be that relationship for me.

For now, though, Laughter is the sparkle in life and I intend on laughing a lot.
Today was great. It's not every day you run into a boy wearing BKE's, cowboy boots and a DU hat. Yea, I know, it's not every day you just randomly know when something is completely,totally, 100% right.