If I imagine hard enough, I can almost see a slight dusting of snow on the tree branches outside. If I look quick enough, I can see the sparkle of the sun relfecting off of it and blinding me for half a second. If I light my candle for long enough, I can smell the snowfall and transport myself back to the north woods of Michigan.

If I imagine hard enough, I can be back to the stillness of winter, the wildlife tip-toeing around, the smell of smoke rising out of the chimney, and the relaxing feeling after taking the first steps outside, starting the journey to wherever the destination may lie. I can be back to the quiet and calm and peace that a winter wonderland is, instead of the harsh reality of the winter wonder-not I'm in.

If I imagine hard enough, the gas fireplace turns to wood burning, the smell permeating the blankets and chairs. The hot coco in my hand warms me up instead of just making me hot, and I devour the book I am reading in a second, because everyone knows there is nothing cozier than sitting in front of a fireplace reading as snow reigns terror on the world outside.

For a second I can hear the crunch of fresh powder underneath my boot as I mount myself onto my snowboard, instead of the harsh crush of asphalt underneath my tennis shoe. For a second, I can feel the chill of the air rush by my face as I head down the mountain instead of the brisk breeze genty rustling the leaves still on the trees. For a second, I can taste the nothingness of snow and feel melting flakes in my hair.

Only for a second.
If I imagine hard enough.



For years I have been wondering how I will measure up as the next generation in my family. How will I ever be as courageous, strong, independent, and amazing as the three women in my who have come before me? The three women who have influenced me the most, my Grandmother, Aunt, and Mother, are three of the most gutsy, intelligent and admirable women I know.

How was I ever going to compare? I never thought I would, let alone could.

Is it a bit ironic that as I was thinking about the situation I was in last night, I realized that I don't need to try to be like any of them? That the gene is already in me? I'm already exuberating the characteristics that all three have?

I proved to myself that I was strong, I was courageous, that I wasn't backing down from a icy-blue-eyed bitch and I was standing my ground?

For years I have been wondering if I was to be the one where the gene would fall short, wondering if I was where something wouldn't add up.

As it turns out, I needn't worry. Not one little bit. Everything falls into stride at some point or another, and I just have to let everything take it's course.


Great Night, Rough Morning

Hung over at work...again. How many of my posts start out like this? Too many to count?

I was texting the Aussie as I pulled into the parking lot. I had woken up early, planning on going to get some sustenance before starting what was sure to be a long, drawn out, very annoying day at the Depot, but I was so exhausted from the night before that I barely made it to work, let alone nourish myself.

Homeboy be trippin'.

As the day progressed, the hair came down from my 'hangover ponytail', makeup was put on, and I look semi-presentable now. However, the whole helping customers thing? So not happening. I spent the first half of my morning sucking down coffee (Yes, I left work to go get some), talking to my Aussie, telling Mexicans I don't speak Spanish, and hiding.

The exhaustion wore off, The Aussie went home for the day, and the headache set in. So here I sit, tylonal in my system, waiting for lunch, ready to die. I'm still avoiding the Mexicans, and my managers.
Oh, life is going to be amazing today.



It's times like right now that I wonder if I did the right thing. Not the whole picking-up-my-life-&-moving-in-a-new-direction thing, but the cutting him out of my life because I'm-so-much-better-without-a-dramatic-asshole-like-him-for-a-friend thing.

The end result? Too much thinking, a headache, and exhausted with no sleep anywhere in sight.