My biggest mantra is life goes on.

Why is it so hard for me to listen to myself? I'm sitting here, Wine in hand (White, Sauvignon Blanc), fighting back tears (not so much anymore) because I can't take my own damn advice.

I need to be okay by myself before I can be okay with someone else. This isn't even about a relationship. This is about friendship. Mourning the ones I've lost, and anticipating the ones I have yet to find. I'm stuck in my old habits and that needs to change (insert wine sip here).

Where do I make the change between young adult and experienced young adult? When do I realize that working at Home Depot is not enough? Why do I feel the need to grow up so fast, when I've barely even been young and stupid?

My partner-in-crime is no longer around, and I'm by myself. This is what I need, to be alone and to branch out (another wine sip). It would have been perfect tonight, but I am not about to go to a bar in Flint that would result in a high-school reunion, plus even a dreaded run-in with the ex. Not happening.

Flattering that you asked me out, though.
(another drink of wine....this time more of a gulp...).

I know this is sketchy tonight, but I'm writing as I'm thinking. Heaven forbid I say exactly what is on my mind, heaven forbid I don't ponder my words for seconds or minutes to make sure they don't offend anyone or some out more intelligent than I originally had thought.

I've had five years taken away from me. Five years I could have been having fun. Five years I could have been building up friendships, flings, and funny situations. Five years just gone....wasted in tears, trials and tribulations that weren't good. Five. Fucking. Years. (drink).

What the hell? Why did I let that happen?! WHY? The me I know and love would never have stood for that shit. Hell,
I'm not standing for it now.

I will not let another five years go by in misery without my notice. I will not stand for it.

(victorious wine gulp here)

Can it get better?
Will it get better? (go to drink wine)

......damn....I finished my glass.