Ben & Jerry: The only boys I need

I almost went to the field today. It was a gorgeous day out...71* for the first time since September. I'm glad I didn't. Thinking would have just...brought me down more.

One day at a time, that's the way to handle everything. I was so surprised that after one day of crying I was perfectly fine. Then the next day? they were okay... and today? Things were still okay, but a little less so. I don't know. It's amazing to me how I can hang out with him and things can be completely normal, feel just right, like everything will be okay and everything will work out.

Then, out of no where, I feel like I've been sucker-punched in the gut. I want to cry and miss that connection so much. I feel like I've become absolutely nothing but another girl, like he won't miss me this summer when I'm gone, that we never even had anything between us what-so-ever.

It made me feel a certain way that I haven't felt since Prom of my Junior year in high school. Four years ago, I had the feeling that I needed a boyfriend. Which, I don't. I am a very, very independent woman and I can handle myself. I've never needed anyone other than a few good friends to make me alright. I'm always sure of myself and always looking to the future. I hate feeling like this, and need to find a way to get over it ASAP. It makes me feel pathetic and helpless. After everything I've been through in the past few years, I know I am anything but. Just another brick in the road...Just another boy I have to not be possessive over. This one's just harder...because I have an intimate history with him. Oh well. One day at a time. Today just had to be kind of sad.

I took my Enbrel Shot today. Those things cost something like 1,200 dollars a pen or something. Crazy. Maybe I can sell one to pay my rent.

But, I was just dancing in my living room today. Nothing too serious, just kicks and chasses. Dancing and Ben & Jerry's Half Baked ice cream make everything look and feel better. :)