Here we go again

I'm 23. I have rheumatoid arthritus.  I hurt.  All the time.  Tonight I hurt so much I'm in tears.  I need to get a new Rheumatologist.  I went to one a week ago (my medicine has run out, not that it worked for this pain anyway) and he did absolutely nothing for me but tell me that we need to see if there is Joint damage and to keep taking Aleve because it will heal it.  This time the flare-up is in my right toe.  I've had it for about three months now....maybe four.  It hurts to walk.  It is agitated if anything touches it.  Let alone when it gets kicked by the dog or my boyfriend while we toss and turn in our sleep.  Aleve isn't working as it should.  So here I am, reduced to tears on the couch at 2:00 in the morning trying, just trying to make it feel better. 

I'm not asking to be healed.  I haven't had a flare-up in years.  Two or three years, I think.  I can live with this, and I believe I have this disease because the Lord knows I can live with it.  I'm not complaining about how life isn't fair, I'm not asking 'why me'.  I did the second time it flared up.  I was 20 then.  Now I'm not.  Now I'm back to the 19 year old who knew the doctors had a solution and that we would all work together to find one.  I'm 23 now.  I work full time, go to college and pay my own bills.  I have my own health insurance.  I'm scared to go get anything done because of how much it's all going to cost.  That's the whole-hearted truth.  I need to.  I probalby can't get into a new Rheumatologist for about a month. 

I've subconsiously started walking so the pressure isn't on my big toe when I walk.  This means that I'm leaning and the pressure is all being put onto the side of my foot.  This is not good.  I don't know how to fix it, though, without not being able to walk.  I'm at a loss right now...and that's the last thing I want.  To be lost.  However, these "break-downs" always happen in the middle of the night.  When I can't call a doctor or make any progress and the only thing to do is wait until I see the first rays of the morning sun.  Part of me thinks I need to go to the hospital.  See if they can give me better drugs.  I don't know what else they could do for me, though.  At least when I was 19 and my knee swelled up they could drain it.  I don't think they could do that in my toe.  However, a cortisone shot wouldn't be half bad either.

I need to get some sleep.  At least try to.  My alarm is supposed to go off in four hours.  My dad's going to be awake in one.  Maybe I'll wait until I can call him.  He might not know what to do, but he at least can make me feel better emotionally.