No worries*

I beg for the days where I didn't measure everything in 'good hours' or 'bad hours'. I beg for the days when my bigget worry was why my best friend was mad at me. I beg for the days where I was practically worriless.

I realize this is all a part of growing up, and I welcome it. I just wish I were happier. I wish I was far away, being the independent amazing person I can be, instead of plagued with worn out memories and upsetting situations.

I wake up every morning with recollections of dreams from the night before. More and more they're reminding me I'm in a place I shouldn't be. Physically and mentally.

I'm left worshipping and greiving a friendship that has defined me for five years...and that is just plain wrong. I'm better than that, better than waiting for a friend to actually be in a friendship. Better than being put down every five minutes.

I know it's in joking fashion (sometimes), but it still hurts. I'm better than waiting all night for a phone call that'll never come. I'm better than being the last resort for plans. I'm just better than it all.

I'm done not having any self-esteem because someone inadvertantly tears it down. It's over, done for.
He will always be my friend, but it's better to be friends from a distance. That way, I can't get hurt. He can't hurt me.


That statement is still so far from the actual truth. Oh well. As my 12 year old cousin would tell me: Get over it. Life is too short to lose another 5 years of my life to nasty words and not-always-there friends.
I'm not going to do it.