I burned my back today. My day off, and I burned my back laying outside reading a book (which I finished in one day). Awesome. I guess it's a good deal that I sleep on my stomache so my back won't get irritated. In a couple of days I will look like the Copper Tone Girl. Awesome.
I took my Enbrel shot out of the freezer today to thaw it out so I can take it in a couple of days. I'm not sure...but I think it was frozen solid. I put it in the fridge hoping it will thaw, if not just warm up a bit. I'll take it in a couple days (I'm shooting for either Friday or Saturday).
I went for a run tonight to get my mind off of things. Money, school, and the thing that's been on my mind a lot today: missing my best friends. I don't know what I would do without them. This is a thank you to them, for supporting me since they've known me.
One, for eight years now. Thank you for being there when I couldn't walk and was going through the hardest time of my life. Thank you for letting me go, and letting me grow here in Texas. I hope you do the same in Chicago, and I am so excited for you to begin that. I think I'm more excited than you are...because a part of you believes it won't happen. I promise you--it will. We'll figure it out one way or another. Just because I'm in Texas does not mean I will let you falter. You're my best friend, you're my boy. You can count on me.
The other only knew me for a month, if that, before I left. She and I have become so close in such a short amount of time I'm very upset I did not meet her sooner, especially since she hung out with many many people that I knew from high school. Thank you for supporting me in the hard times that have fallen upon my path since you've known me. You always make me smile and it helps that we're so in tune with what the other wants/needs that we mise as well be lesbian lovers ;).
I can not wait until ya'll are down here for the little time you can be and have fun. It'll be a blast.
The run cleared up many things for me, though. It felt so good to be doing something that four months ago I wasn't able to. I will never ever take running for granted, and even if I go out for fifteen minutes, or an hour, I always come back with a smile on my face. No one understands how exhilerating it is to feel the wind on your face, to push yourself further, and to feel completely exhausted after a run. A lot of people would, and do, hate it--but to me it's corny, but it's a blessing.
Thank you, Dr. Sobotka, for letting me be able to run again. Thank you for letting me be able to travel down to Austin, Texas for the summer and not have knee issues. Last year when I visited Austin for just two weeks, my knee, which was doing really well, decided it couldn't take the heat and swelled up causing me pain every night when I had to entertain a ten year old girl and her best friend during a sleep over. I couldn't play, couldn't swim. I couldn't even walk the dogs.
Maybe all of you should go out for a run. Just because you can.
It's a joy many people don't have anymore :)
5/28/09
5/27/09
?Hablo espanol? !Si!
I started at Depot in Texas today...well, my first real day. There's already talk about the 'new cute cashier from Michigan...I wonder if she's single?'. That was nice. Yet, the one thing that stood out the most:
Mexicans have a lot of nerve. I could never imagine
a.) trying to pick someone up and saying their name wrong (it's KrisTEN, not Christian)
b.)when they're obviously not interested keep pushing the issue
c.)yell to get their attention from another department just so you can say 'hola' and wave.
d.) get their attention again before you leave just so he/she knows your presence is no longer there.
Kevin was right. They're crazy.
It's not like my name is a hard one! Not at all! No offense to anyone out there, but really, it's one of the easiest names to say, even if you have an accent! Not only that, but have some tact! I've dealt with people from Flint all of my life. Yes, they are creepy. Yes, they are manageable. This, though, this is a whole other level of creepy that I don't even know how to handle! I've never had anyone in my entire life try to come on to me as hard as many many mexicans tried today.
Then it made me think...and no offense to anyone that is of hispanic origin out there reading this...but I'm in Texas. How many of those Latino men in Home Depot are illegal immigrants? Just a thought. I'd like to know the numbers on that...however, there probably aren't any.
They are just incredulous. Unbelievable. Insane. Crazy. Loco!
What is amazing, though, is seeing the little white girl speak spanish right back to them. Pretty soon, if I hear one more comment in spanish about how my ass is nice, or how they'd like to 'contigo a su casa' I will 'a la chingada' in their faces. Who, ever, EVER thinks it is alright, even in another LANGUAGE to speak like that about a girl when she's right in front of you?? Let alone AT ALL.
Surprise. You speak spanish? I speak un poquito (a little bit). It impressed a couple of the customers today...but some of the men, I will wait until they come in again or say something so completely out of line that it deserves the little naive white girls come-back.
I grew up around Flint. I can take care of myself. I'm used to creepy. However...some of the people down here are just a whole other brand of creepy that I'm not used to. Thank God I can comprehend most of the language and not be lost and feel too uncomfortable when the customers just go on a rant in espanol.
The stares, though. I get it, I'm the fresh meat, I'm the new girl. I'm from the north, I have dark hair(I've seen mostly blondes down south). Please, though! Get over it! Be discreet! Hath no one learned the art of subtlety anymore?!
It's unfathomable.
It makes me want my support system back. Mitch, who would beat anyone up who even looked at me funny. Phil and Brian, the guys who always had my back when someone even slightly raised their voice. Woody, who would run all of hte creepers off. They took care of their girls at my other store. This one...I'm not so sure about. I mean, I felt that protection the very first day. The new store, they just shrug their shoulders and let it go.
Awesome.
I want my support structure back. I don't want to have to 'a la chingada' a customer. Don't get me wrong, I will. I don't want to, though.
But I won't let myself get into a situation that I can't stick up for myself. It's called manners. The customers at my new store need to learn some.
Mexicans have a lot of nerve. I could never imagine
a.) trying to pick someone up and saying their name wrong (it's KrisTEN, not Christian)
b.)when they're obviously not interested keep pushing the issue
c.)yell to get their attention from another department just so you can say 'hola' and wave.
d.) get their attention again before you leave just so he/she knows your presence is no longer there.
Kevin was right. They're crazy.
It's not like my name is a hard one! Not at all! No offense to anyone out there, but really, it's one of the easiest names to say, even if you have an accent! Not only that, but have some tact! I've dealt with people from Flint all of my life. Yes, they are creepy. Yes, they are manageable. This, though, this is a whole other level of creepy that I don't even know how to handle! I've never had anyone in my entire life try to come on to me as hard as many many mexicans tried today.
Then it made me think...and no offense to anyone that is of hispanic origin out there reading this...but I'm in Texas. How many of those Latino men in Home Depot are illegal immigrants? Just a thought. I'd like to know the numbers on that...however, there probably aren't any.
They are just incredulous. Unbelievable. Insane. Crazy. Loco!
What is amazing, though, is seeing the little white girl speak spanish right back to them. Pretty soon, if I hear one more comment in spanish about how my ass is nice, or how they'd like to 'contigo a su casa' I will 'a la chingada' in their faces. Who, ever, EVER thinks it is alright, even in another LANGUAGE to speak like that about a girl when she's right in front of you?? Let alone AT ALL.
Surprise. You speak spanish? I speak un poquito (a little bit). It impressed a couple of the customers today...but some of the men, I will wait until they come in again or say something so completely out of line that it deserves the little naive white girls come-back.
I grew up around Flint. I can take care of myself. I'm used to creepy. However...some of the people down here are just a whole other brand of creepy that I'm not used to. Thank God I can comprehend most of the language and not be lost and feel too uncomfortable when the customers just go on a rant in espanol.
The stares, though. I get it, I'm the fresh meat, I'm the new girl. I'm from the north, I have dark hair(I've seen mostly blondes down south). Please, though! Get over it! Be discreet! Hath no one learned the art of subtlety anymore?!
It's unfathomable.
It makes me want my support system back. Mitch, who would beat anyone up who even looked at me funny. Phil and Brian, the guys who always had my back when someone even slightly raised their voice. Woody, who would run all of hte creepers off. They took care of their girls at my other store. This one...I'm not so sure about. I mean, I felt that protection the very first day. The new store, they just shrug their shoulders and let it go.
Awesome.
I want my support structure back. I don't want to have to 'a la chingada' a customer. Don't get me wrong, I will. I don't want to, though.
But I won't let myself get into a situation that I can't stick up for myself. It's called manners. The customers at my new store need to learn some.
4/30/09
sorry sorry sorry!
Sorry I haven't posted in a while...but this last week has been extremely eventful. Tuesday was my birthday! *yay* 21 now. I went and spent it with a couple of friends at BDubs. It was amazing. I had a smirnoff ice brought to the table with a candle on it! Thanks Jennifer :). I started the evening out with the best margarita ever, switching to a drink called Merry Berri, then a long island iced tea. *yech* may I add. After that I had the smirnoff, and then I had a lemondrop. ohhh yum! All in all, I was still fine. At least, until hte boys gave me shots at the bonfire that night. But that's another story...
Today is my doctors appointment with the Rheumatologist. Hopefully I'll get another set of my shots & she can see how well I'm doing. I really want her to know that he helped me out greatly...and I'm not quite sure what's going to happen. She might switch the medication because it is heavy, or she might just let it be. We'll find out.
Hopefully movie night tonight. I've downloaded Bride Wars and really want to watch it again :)
but first...I need to finish this 10 page paper. I'm on page 7 of 10 and running out of material. anyone know anything about the economy from the 80's to the present? You'd think this would be the easiest to write about...but we have to tie it into lecture and my prof. has only been focusing on the political and culture aspects. Not the economy. Stupid university classes.
BUT! At least I'm 21 :)
Today is my doctors appointment with the Rheumatologist. Hopefully I'll get another set of my shots & she can see how well I'm doing. I really want her to know that he helped me out greatly...and I'm not quite sure what's going to happen. She might switch the medication because it is heavy, or she might just let it be. We'll find out.
Hopefully movie night tonight. I've downloaded Bride Wars and really want to watch it again :)
but first...I need to finish this 10 page paper. I'm on page 7 of 10 and running out of material. anyone know anything about the economy from the 80's to the present? You'd think this would be the easiest to write about...but we have to tie it into lecture and my prof. has only been focusing on the political and culture aspects. Not the economy. Stupid university classes.
BUT! At least I'm 21 :)
4/20/09
Livin' on Dreams & Spaghettios, Wonderin' where my life is going to go*
Not having enough money to pay rent is a bitch. Granted, it's what everyone goes through at one time or another (except my parent's, because they're abnormal...or just smart), but it's still a bitch.
It's not a problem getting the money. I just have to work, first. I'm picking up all the hours I can, but it's totally going to suck this weekend with it being Spanish Hell Week. Really. I hate the last few weeks leading up to Exam week. They're stressful, and then add in these economic problems, too. Really? They're not wanted. Lesson learned. Another check marked on my list. Thank you, world.
I haven't been back to my apartment at all yet today. I've just been running aroudn campus and it's been alright. I'm not in a bad mood, rather, I'm content. Maggie and I joked and were stupid about serious situations in class, and it was fun. I think we cheer each other up when we're faced with stupid situations we shouldn't have to deal with. We think a lot alike, and it's good. Honestly, I'm really glad I started talking to her again. I'm kind of sad actually that we faded away in high school & middle school, but whatever! It's COLLEGE and there are no rules now.
I look forward to going to History just because I know she and I can talk about whatever and no judgements will be made. No matter how unsure I am of my situation right now, When we talk about it, it sounds like this is the right plan for me. Thank you, Maggie. It's awesome that we just through the 'rules' out the window and can be great friends once again. You're amazing.
It's not a problem getting the money. I just have to work, first. I'm picking up all the hours I can, but it's totally going to suck this weekend with it being Spanish Hell Week. Really. I hate the last few weeks leading up to Exam week. They're stressful, and then add in these economic problems, too. Really? They're not wanted. Lesson learned. Another check marked on my list. Thank you, world.
I haven't been back to my apartment at all yet today. I've just been running aroudn campus and it's been alright. I'm not in a bad mood, rather, I'm content. Maggie and I joked and were stupid about serious situations in class, and it was fun. I think we cheer each other up when we're faced with stupid situations we shouldn't have to deal with. We think a lot alike, and it's good. Honestly, I'm really glad I started talking to her again. I'm kind of sad actually that we faded away in high school & middle school, but whatever! It's COLLEGE and there are no rules now.
I look forward to going to History just because I know she and I can talk about whatever and no judgements will be made. No matter how unsure I am of my situation right now, When we talk about it, it sounds like this is the right plan for me. Thank you, Maggie. It's awesome that we just through the 'rules' out the window and can be great friends once again. You're amazing.
the only thing not sexy about rain is that it smells like worms*
Unless you're on the ocean or near the ocean, right? Then it doesn't smell like worms. Then it's completely sexy and smells amazing (yes, rain does have a smell).
Anywho.
Today I was so groggy it wasn't even funny. I decided the only way to start it before I went to class was to get Beaners and scarf down a bagel. The boys (Barnard and Colin) call me a Beaners addict. In Virginia we were up and about int he morning and I was looking for a Starbucks, seeing as how Beaners is native to Michigan, mostly the East Lansing area. They just opened one up in Houghton Lake, Mt. Pleasant, Davison, and Gaylord. So, when Josh said, 'No, I don't see a Starbucks, but I see a Beaners!" in a very excited tone, I freaked out. I shreeked, "WHERE?!" and he bust out laughing, patting my head and telling me I was an addict, and that statement proved it. *sigh*.
Oh--check out Beaners--now Biggby Coffee. They used to be Beaners (my freshman year of college) before the company decided it was a racial stereotype and got rid of it. However, to MSU students it will forever be Beaners. Sorry to any Latinos out there.
...and now the prof is here. damn for class not being canceled. tiempo para habla espanol!
Anywho.
Today I was so groggy it wasn't even funny. I decided the only way to start it before I went to class was to get Beaners and scarf down a bagel. The boys (Barnard and Colin) call me a Beaners addict. In Virginia we were up and about int he morning and I was looking for a Starbucks, seeing as how Beaners is native to Michigan, mostly the East Lansing area. They just opened one up in Houghton Lake, Mt. Pleasant, Davison, and Gaylord. So, when Josh said, 'No, I don't see a Starbucks, but I see a Beaners!" in a very excited tone, I freaked out. I shreeked, "WHERE?!" and he bust out laughing, patting my head and telling me I was an addict, and that statement proved it. *sigh*.
Oh--check out Beaners--now Biggby Coffee. They used to be Beaners (my freshman year of college) before the company decided it was a racial stereotype and got rid of it. However, to MSU students it will forever be Beaners. Sorry to any Latinos out there.
...and now the prof is here. damn for class not being canceled. tiempo para habla espanol!
4/19/09
and PS...if this is Austin, I still love you
Austin, Texas. Where my heart is. Where 6th street, The Texas Longhorns and my Aunt Nette is. Where I get to drive a BMW convertible basically when I want.
More importantly, Austin, Texas, is where I will be living this summer. Where I will embark on a new chapter in my life, without my friends. I'm doing what I've always wanted to do, get up and go. Start fresh. Where I can be someone completely different than I am now. It's another shot at College, in a way. This time I wont let myself down, though.
It's scary...
It's a great experience.
It's new...
It's interesting.
Everything will change...
probably for the better.
It's scary, it's uncertain, but it needs to happen.
This will be the true test. This will be a defining moment & time in my life. Maybe another Tattoo is in order? Em and I will have to go get the one we want. Life Goes on. On my foot, I think. I'm not sure, though.
Austin is exciting! It's where I will be living in two years, not even. I need to get used to the idea of being there. Austin is getting closer, and plans are being finalized. As everything is starting to be set in stone, I'm starting to chicken out. What is wrong with me?! I love Austin. I love my aunt, my cousins & my Uncle Marc. I need to get out and experience it.
No inhibitions, no regrets, no excuses. Just get out and do it.
More importantly, Austin, Texas, is where I will be living this summer. Where I will embark on a new chapter in my life, without my friends. I'm doing what I've always wanted to do, get up and go. Start fresh. Where I can be someone completely different than I am now. It's another shot at College, in a way. This time I wont let myself down, though.
It's scary...
It's a great experience.
It's new...
It's interesting.
Everything will change...
probably for the better.
It's scary, it's uncertain, but it needs to happen.
This will be the true test. This will be a defining moment & time in my life. Maybe another Tattoo is in order? Em and I will have to go get the one we want. Life Goes on. On my foot, I think. I'm not sure, though.
Austin is exciting! It's where I will be living in two years, not even. I need to get used to the idea of being there. Austin is getting closer, and plans are being finalized. As everything is starting to be set in stone, I'm starting to chicken out. What is wrong with me?! I love Austin. I love my aunt, my cousins & my Uncle Marc. I need to get out and experience it.
No inhibitions, no regrets, no excuses. Just get out and do it.
4/18/09
To call...or NOT to call?
Yay for work. Seriously. Christen worked today, and so did Lindsay, and they revived my mood again. They got me thinking, and thanks to Julie, I remembered that I am a very independent and awesome woman.
I can do anything I want to, and I know it. I've overcome so many challenges since I started college it's uncanny.
Freshman year, I had a horrible roommate experience. I worked my way out of that and finished the year with Emory, who is now one of my best friends. Plus, add in my first real heartbreak. Being in a foreign place, falling apart from my best friends, and being dumped by my first 'true' love really, at that time, I thought, put the icing on the cake...but Not only did I hate my living situation, I failed one class and didn't do so great in the rest, landing on the Academic Probation list the end of first semester. Well, long story short I worked my ass off and I got off of it, ending the year with a 2.0 GPA. This coming from the girl who was always on A/B honor roll, and in NHS. But, College isn't high school, and I soon realized that.
The summer of my Freshman year, my knee swelled up. The first time they drained it, I think there was 100 CC's that came out. They took x-rays and did all the regular treatment. Everything was fine, there wasn't any damage to the knee. They didn't have an answer...I just got to walk around in pain. I had a good attitude, though, if I can brag for a second. I knew the doctors were going to find an answer for it, I was sure of that. It bothered me that I couldn't do normal things...like coach baseball for my brother or dance, or even go on walks or bike rides like I used to. But that was okay. An answer was going to be found, I was going to get better.
With a Cortazone shot in September, I did. Then, it was off to school once more. Sophomore year at Michigan State University, so far, has been my best year there. I got into my classes that I needed for my major, and they were awesome. My friends, Mel, Elissa and I spelled trouble. We didn't miss a sporting/drinking event. It was then that I started to finally 'move on' from him...and it wasn't my proudest moment. I'm not going to reveal to the world what happened because I am that ashamed of it. It's not bad, but it's not good either. Everyone makes their mistakes and this one was one of mine. I can't ignore it, though, because it has helped defined me. Then, in March, I felt a "pop" during the night and the next day I had trouble walking. My RA was back...only then we still didn't know what it was.
That summer I was so discouraged. I didn't know who I had turned into, because even though I still had my happy-go-lucky attitude, I would break down to my mother and my best friend. They would see me at my worst. Props to them for helping me out, too. This time...I felt let down. My mom had to keep reminding me that the doctors were going to find a cure. I was just worn out...I didn't feel like there would ever be an end. I was put on Steroids(Predisone), Sulfur pills (Asulfasalizine) and Hydrochloriquin. The Prednisone eased the pain...and the other two pills brought hte swelling down a tad, but not much. I had my knee drained twice that summer. Once 50 CC's was taken out and the next time 75 CC's. Nothing changed, though. Throughout many hospital visits I still stayed the same. I couldn't wear jeans without being uncomfortable. My knee and body looked great on paper. I didn't have any abnormal bloodwork and the x-ray's still showed no damage.
It wasn't until December, 2008 that I felt like I had sprained my wrist. In all actuality, it had started to swell, too. Wearing bracelets irritated it...even wearing a hair tie around my wrist bothered me. In school I had just pulled off Academic Probation for the second time, and was diagnosed with a Math Learning Disability...only after failing my math course for the second time and Economics as well. It was then that my doctor confirmed it was RA, and put me on the 'heavy artilery'. Enbrel. It has been my saving grace.
That brings me to the present. I'm not struggling with school now, but that's because I don't have any math-related courses. My knee is perfect (except for the cracking every time I stand up, but that's okay. I can deal with that). My faith in doctors is restored, and I was right all along. They would find a diagnoses and make me better.
I am a survivor. I preservere...and I will get through this as well. This isn't something that I haven't been through before...millions of people have gone through it before me, millions of people are dealing with it now, and millions of people will deal with it after me.
Now, the only decision is this. Do I call him? Do I want someone to run to? Someone to make me feel better? Or do I move on, by myself, as the independent woman I am? And trust me, I'm not talking about who you think I am.
I honestly, have no idea. It's mean, what I could do...but it's mean what he did to me. Big girls don't cry, they get revenge. But do I want revenge? I thought I had moved on from that. All I know is that I do survive, I do persevere...and I will get through this. This is minor compared to what I have faced.
Life.Goes.On.
I can do anything I want to, and I know it. I've overcome so many challenges since I started college it's uncanny.
Freshman year, I had a horrible roommate experience. I worked my way out of that and finished the year with Emory, who is now one of my best friends. Plus, add in my first real heartbreak. Being in a foreign place, falling apart from my best friends, and being dumped by my first 'true' love really, at that time, I thought, put the icing on the cake...but Not only did I hate my living situation, I failed one class and didn't do so great in the rest, landing on the Academic Probation list the end of first semester. Well, long story short I worked my ass off and I got off of it, ending the year with a 2.0 GPA. This coming from the girl who was always on A/B honor roll, and in NHS. But, College isn't high school, and I soon realized that.
The summer of my Freshman year, my knee swelled up. The first time they drained it, I think there was 100 CC's that came out. They took x-rays and did all the regular treatment. Everything was fine, there wasn't any damage to the knee. They didn't have an answer...I just got to walk around in pain. I had a good attitude, though, if I can brag for a second. I knew the doctors were going to find an answer for it, I was sure of that. It bothered me that I couldn't do normal things...like coach baseball for my brother or dance, or even go on walks or bike rides like I used to. But that was okay. An answer was going to be found, I was going to get better.
With a Cortazone shot in September, I did. Then, it was off to school once more. Sophomore year at Michigan State University, so far, has been my best year there. I got into my classes that I needed for my major, and they were awesome. My friends, Mel, Elissa and I spelled trouble. We didn't miss a sporting/drinking event. It was then that I started to finally 'move on' from him...and it wasn't my proudest moment. I'm not going to reveal to the world what happened because I am that ashamed of it. It's not bad, but it's not good either. Everyone makes their mistakes and this one was one of mine. I can't ignore it, though, because it has helped defined me. Then, in March, I felt a "pop" during the night and the next day I had trouble walking. My RA was back...only then we still didn't know what it was.
That summer I was so discouraged. I didn't know who I had turned into, because even though I still had my happy-go-lucky attitude, I would break down to my mother and my best friend. They would see me at my worst. Props to them for helping me out, too. This time...I felt let down. My mom had to keep reminding me that the doctors were going to find a cure. I was just worn out...I didn't feel like there would ever be an end. I was put on Steroids(Predisone), Sulfur pills (Asulfasalizine) and Hydrochloriquin. The Prednisone eased the pain...and the other two pills brought hte swelling down a tad, but not much. I had my knee drained twice that summer. Once 50 CC's was taken out and the next time 75 CC's. Nothing changed, though. Throughout many hospital visits I still stayed the same. I couldn't wear jeans without being uncomfortable. My knee and body looked great on paper. I didn't have any abnormal bloodwork and the x-ray's still showed no damage.
It wasn't until December, 2008 that I felt like I had sprained my wrist. In all actuality, it had started to swell, too. Wearing bracelets irritated it...even wearing a hair tie around my wrist bothered me. In school I had just pulled off Academic Probation for the second time, and was diagnosed with a Math Learning Disability...only after failing my math course for the second time and Economics as well. It was then that my doctor confirmed it was RA, and put me on the 'heavy artilery'. Enbrel. It has been my saving grace.
That brings me to the present. I'm not struggling with school now, but that's because I don't have any math-related courses. My knee is perfect (except for the cracking every time I stand up, but that's okay. I can deal with that). My faith in doctors is restored, and I was right all along. They would find a diagnoses and make me better.
I am a survivor. I preservere...and I will get through this as well. This isn't something that I haven't been through before...millions of people have gone through it before me, millions of people are dealing with it now, and millions of people will deal with it after me.
Now, the only decision is this. Do I call him? Do I want someone to run to? Someone to make me feel better? Or do I move on, by myself, as the independent woman I am? And trust me, I'm not talking about who you think I am.
I honestly, have no idea. It's mean, what I could do...but it's mean what he did to me. Big girls don't cry, they get revenge. But do I want revenge? I thought I had moved on from that. All I know is that I do survive, I do persevere...and I will get through this. This is minor compared to what I have faced.
Life.Goes.On.
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