I'm 23. I have rheumatoid arthritus. I hurt. All the time. Tonight I hurt so much I'm in tears. I need to get a new Rheumatologist. I went to one a week ago (my medicine has run out, not that it worked for this pain anyway) and he did absolutely nothing for me but tell me that we need to see if there is Joint damage and to keep taking Aleve because it will heal it. This time the flare-up is in my right toe. I've had it for about three months now....maybe four. It hurts to walk. It is agitated if anything touches it. Let alone when it gets kicked by the dog or my boyfriend while we toss and turn in our sleep. Aleve isn't working as it should. So here I am, reduced to tears on the couch at 2:00 in the morning trying, just trying to make it feel better.
I'm not asking to be healed. I haven't had a flare-up in years. Two or three years, I think. I can live with this, and I believe I have this disease because the Lord knows I can live with it. I'm not complaining about how life isn't fair, I'm not asking 'why me'. I did the second time it flared up. I was 20 then. Now I'm not. Now I'm back to the 19 year old who knew the doctors had a solution and that we would all work together to find one. I'm 23 now. I work full time, go to college and pay my own bills. I have my own health insurance. I'm scared to go get anything done because of how much it's all going to cost. That's the whole-hearted truth. I need to. I probalby can't get into a new Rheumatologist for about a month.
I've subconsiously started walking so the pressure isn't on my big toe when I walk. This means that I'm leaning and the pressure is all being put onto the side of my foot. This is not good. I don't know how to fix it, though, without not being able to walk. I'm at a loss right now...and that's the last thing I want. To be lost. However, these "break-downs" always happen in the middle of the night. When I can't call a doctor or make any progress and the only thing to do is wait until I see the first rays of the morning sun. Part of me thinks I need to go to the hospital. See if they can give me better drugs. I don't know what else they could do for me, though. At least when I was 19 and my knee swelled up they could drain it. I don't think they could do that in my toe. However, a cortisone shot wouldn't be half bad either.
I need to get some sleep. At least try to. My alarm is supposed to go off in four hours. My dad's going to be awake in one. Maybe I'll wait until I can call him. He might not know what to do, but he at least can make me feel better emotionally.
Showing posts with label Rheumatoid Arthritus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rheumatoid Arthritus. Show all posts
1/24/12
3/27/11
Normal
I'm a pretty normal girl. I have brown hair, green eyes, freckles, insecurities, hopes, dreams, achievements. I'm in school, I have a job, a family that cares about me, friendships that are getting stronger by the day. I have people that don't like me and people that love me. Like I said, I'm normal.
Except for that pain that resides in my knees. It alternates, and it always goes back to the origin of my problems. Usually it's in the left knee, but occasionally it's in the right. Sometimes it's an ache, sometimes a shooting pain. They happen when I'm stressed, they happen because I slept on it wrong or the weather changed. It just...happens.
So, yea, I'm normal.
Except for the fact that I take a shot every month to control pain I would otherwise be in for weeks or months at a time.
I've gone through different medicines. Steroids, Sulfur pills, anti-inflamatory meds. Those are only a few.
Here's my thank you to Enbrel. For letting me be a normal, active girl again, who's going to a rock concert in May, an amazing beach trip to Corpus Christi in June, and who is always active, because she remembers what it was like not being able to walk.
Yea, I'm pretty normal.
Except for that pain that resides in my knees. It alternates, and it always goes back to the origin of my problems. Usually it's in the left knee, but occasionally it's in the right. Sometimes it's an ache, sometimes a shooting pain. They happen when I'm stressed, they happen because I slept on it wrong or the weather changed. It just...happens.
So, yea, I'm normal.
Except for the fact that I take a shot every month to control pain I would otherwise be in for weeks or months at a time.
I've gone through different medicines. Steroids, Sulfur pills, anti-inflamatory meds. Those are only a few.
Here's my thank you to Enbrel. For letting me be a normal, active girl again, who's going to a rock concert in May, an amazing beach trip to Corpus Christi in June, and who is always active, because she remembers what it was like not being able to walk.
Yea, I'm pretty normal.
4/16/09
I'm 20. What's different about my life from anyone elses? Nothing, really. Just the fact that I am a Journalism student at Michigan State University and, oh yea...
I have a chronic illness, which makes my daily life just peachy.
In February I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritus. I had it for two years and, for the most part, couldn't walk. I went from dancing for 13 years to not being able to walk in the morning when I woke up. Can anyone even fathom that? It sucks not being able to do something that you've been doing since you were 3. Let alone not being able to participate in your passion, your outlet for the issues I face. It is possibly the second worst feeling in the world to me.
My doctor (who is absolutely amazing) put me on the Enbrel shot as a last resort in February. I give myself a weekly shot, and there's pain for fifteen minutes as opposed to every single time I walk. I think it's a pretty good trade-off. And, there's even hope that I might go into remission with it :)
No one can understand how devestating it really is to wake up one morning and have your knee be the size of a grapefruit. However, Life goes on. It doesn't wait for you, it doesn't give anyone any breaks. You live with them, get through them, and become a better person because of it. I'm only 20, and I know I haven't figured the world out...but that much is obvious to me by now.
There are good days and there are bad days. You, will experience them all with me. Go on the journey that is my life, and realize, that at the end of the day, life goes on...and things could be way, way worse.
I have a chronic illness, which makes my daily life just peachy.
In February I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritus. I had it for two years and, for the most part, couldn't walk. I went from dancing for 13 years to not being able to walk in the morning when I woke up. Can anyone even fathom that? It sucks not being able to do something that you've been doing since you were 3. Let alone not being able to participate in your passion, your outlet for the issues I face. It is possibly the second worst feeling in the world to me.
My doctor (who is absolutely amazing) put me on the Enbrel shot as a last resort in February. I give myself a weekly shot, and there's pain for fifteen minutes as opposed to every single time I walk. I think it's a pretty good trade-off. And, there's even hope that I might go into remission with it :)
No one can understand how devestating it really is to wake up one morning and have your knee be the size of a grapefruit. However, Life goes on. It doesn't wait for you, it doesn't give anyone any breaks. You live with them, get through them, and become a better person because of it. I'm only 20, and I know I haven't figured the world out...but that much is obvious to me by now.
There are good days and there are bad days. You, will experience them all with me. Go on the journey that is my life, and realize, that at the end of the day, life goes on...and things could be way, way worse.
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